Shyness is the opposite of being at ease with yourself around others. When people feel shy, they might hesitate to say or do something because they're feeling unsure of themselves and they're not ready to be noticed.
New and unfamiliar situations can bring out shy feelings — like the first day of school, meeting someone new, or speaking in front of a group for the first time. People are more likely to feel shy when they're not sure how to act, don't know how others will react, or when attention is on them.
People are less likely to feel shy in situations where they know what to expect, feel sure of what to do or say, or are among familiar people. Like other emotions, shy feelings can be mild, medium, or intense — depending on the situation and the person.
Someone who usually or often feels shy might think of himself or herself as a shy person. People who are shy may need more time to get used to change. They might prefer to stick with what's familiar.
People who are shy often hesitate before trying something new. They often prefer watching others before joining in on a group activity. They usually take longer to warm up to new people and situations. Sometimes being quiet and introverted is a sign that someone has a naturally shy personality. But that's not always the case. Being quiet is not always the same as being shy. Shyness is partly a result of genes a person has inherited. It's also influenced by behaviors they've learned, the ways people have reacted to their shyness, and life experiences they've had.
Many people want to reduce their shyness. But people who are naturally shy also have gifts that they might not appreciate in themselves. For example, because shy people may prefer listening to talking, they sometimes become really good listeners and what friend doesn't appreciate that?! People who are shy might also become sensitive to other people's feelings and emotions. Because of their sensitivity and listening skills, many people with a shy personality are especially caring toward others, and interested in how others feel.
Shy people tend to have fewer but deeper friendships--which means your choice of friend or partner is even more important. Give your time to the people in your life who are responsive, warm, and encouraging. There are always a few people who are willing to be cruel or sarcastic if it makes for a good punch line, some who just have no sense of what's appropriate, and some who don't care whom they hurt.
Keep a healthy distance from these people. Most of us are hardest on ourselves, so make a habit of observing others without making a big deal out of it.
You may find that other people are suffering from their own symptoms of insecurity and that you are not alone. Especially when you spend a lot of time inside your own head, as shy people tend to do, it's easy to distort experiences, to think that your shyness ruined an entire event--when chances are it wasn't a big deal to anyone but you.
Shy people sometimes feel disapproval or rejection even when it isn't there. People probably like you much more than you give yourself credit for. Sometimes when you're scared, the best thing to do is to face it head on. However, if you are actually experiencing inner turmoil, it's important to realize that sometimes it is okay to reach out for help.
If your shyness means that you must wear a mask, see if opening up to one person about how you feel makes a difference. Do you work in a human services position? Since you don't toot your own horn and aren't the first to tell everyone about your accomplishments, others may find you more believable and trustworthy. This can also make you a better leader. If you have struggled with shyness your whole life, then you know what it means to battle, endure, and overcome difficult feelings.
Without your struggle against shyness, you would not have developed the ability to cope with life's difficulties. Chances are that when you do manage to develop friendships , they are deep and long-lasting. Because making friends is not easy, you may place more value on the friends that you have.
Plus, your tendency to avoid small talk means that your friendships are not likely to be superficial. Many jobs require the ability to focus and concentrate in a solitary environment; this is where some shy people find that they flourish.
Not having a lot of social ties means that you have fewer interruptions and less need to validate what you are doing in the eyes of others. Research shows that the brains of shy people react more strongly to both negative and positive stimuli.
Your increased sensitivity to reward may mean you find more value in working toward goals. Everyday shyness that does not prevent you from achieving your goals or participating in life can have its advantages.
However, severe shyness or social anxiety that interferes with daily functioning is not helpful, and not something with which you have to live. If severe social anxiety is a problem for you, be sure to speak to your doctor for a referral to a mental health professional. Learn the best ways to manage stress and negativity in your life. Behavioral inhibition system and self-esteem as mediators between shyness and social anxiety. Psychiatry Res. A comparison of temperament in nonhuman apes and human infants.
Shy people sometimes feel disapproval or rejection even when it isn't there. People probably like you much more than you give yourself credit for. Sometimes when you're scared, the best thing to do is to face it head on. If you're frightened, just stare it down and lean into it. Make a list of all your jitters and worries. Name them, plan how you're going to eliminate them, and move forward.
Suffering from shyness shouldn't keep you from the success you are seeking, so try these simple tools and make them work for you--in fact, they're good techniques to try whether you're shy or not. Top Stories. Top Videos.
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